Ashes After Flames
by everlastingeverlark
Summary: Post Mockingjay Pre Epilogue. Katniss and Peeta are living together in district 12. Shows the progression of their lives after the games and the rebellion, and the nightmares they encounter along the way. Katniss POV
1. Living in the Nightmares

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games. Although the lovely and talented Suzanne Collins does.**

I'm standing there screaming her name as the bombs come down like snowflakes, exploding like volcanoes. I'm clutching onto the pole for dear life screeching her name till my throat is hoarse from the smoke. Suddenly my eyes snap open and I can hear faint murmurs of words I can't seem to reach through the fog of my nightmares. But then he kisses my forehead lightly and I know that I'm safe. I'm home. I'm in Peeta's arms.

As I shift my arms up to hold onto Peeta I notice how much I was sweating and the salty tears that have slid their way onto my lips.

"Shh, it's okay" Peeta whispers to me reassuringly. I know that he's trying to help me, let me know I'm safe, but he doesn't know what my nightmare was about. Or does he?

" She...she...the bombs...I almost had her... she was... so... so close..." I sob into his shirt attempting to explain to him what happened. I feel as though my heart had exploded inside of me. The broken fragments stabbing the area where my heart would have been. Even though Peeta was there to hold me not all my nightmares went away. In fact there were so many nights like tonight, I would wake up screaming, sobbing, thrashing around in the bed. The sheets seemed to entangle themselves around me making the nightmares ten times worse than they originally were.

After the whole ordeal my sobbing has ceased and my heart rate has slowed. Peeta continues to hold me as silent tears slip out of my eyes dripping down my face like a leaky faucet. I know he can feel my tears because some of them have settled onto his arm. That night I fall into a long, seemingly endless, nightmare free, dreamless sleep.

When I wake up I run my hands over my face and feel the path my tears made on their way to my pillow. As I reach my arms out to stretch I realize that Peeta is gone. But I don't worry because he probably just went to the bakery for the day. Or at least I think so.

Slowly but surely I make my way out of the bed still wanting to stay in its floor boards eerily creak beneath my hunters tread. When I make my way to the bathroom I stare into the mirror taking in my sight. I look like I was dropped out of a hovercraft into bushes. My clothes are awkwardly shifted in different directions. My hair, oh my hair! My hair is such a knotted mess from thrashing around in my sleep. Half of it is still in some sort of braid, the rest has taken up a mind of its own.

"You gotta be kidding me," I groan as I attempt to take out the braid and start to brush my teeth and right after that my rats nest of hair. It takes me at least twenty minutes to get all the knots out of my hair, but that was finally over with and I could go visit Peeta.

As I'm walking out of my house the sweet smell of primrose fills nose. I just stand there with my eyes shut blocking out the rest of the world. It only seems like I've been standing there for a couple seconds but then I hear Peeta asking me what happened and take in the fact that I am no longer standing. That's when I also realize that I'm sitting curled up in a ball on my front steps sobbing uncontrollably. But as I blink my grey eyes open I stare into Peetas deep blue ones taking a deep breath and try to steady myself enough to stand up. Except I dont have to, Peeta has taken me in his arms bringing me into our house. I mentally sigh at the thought of that. Our house.


	2. The Other Him

**A/N: I aologize ahead of time for those of you who don't like cliffhangers. Diclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or the characters in it.**

It's been a few weeks since I broke down on my front steps. But I believe that the nightmares have gotten a little better. Even though I seem to have been getting better I'm not sure about Peeta. A couple days ago I came home from walking through town and as I opened the door I instantly knew that he was having an episode. There's usually a few tell-tale signs like the ones I saw. First his eyes were completely dilated, making them into deadly black orbs. Secondly his face was so tensed up I thought it might explode at any second. That HE might explode at any second. Thirdly his hands were balled up into fists so extremely tight that the skin covering his knuckles turned an unnatural white color. Although the fourth and last sign is the scariest for me to see. Peeta would stand there mumbling things to himself in a deep tone. Some of the obscenities are like she killed them, she'll kill me next, it's all her fault, I know he's always referring to me. Then he'll scream not real with his chin tucked into his collar till his eardrums are on the verge of bursting.

" Why us, why him?" I ask to no one in particular. As quietly as I possibly can I close the door and slowly step into the living room.

" Not real!" Peeta shouts causing me to jump back and lose my balance knocking over a nearby vase. The sound of the vase echoes through the room, bouncing off the walls to slap me in the face. A piercing sound fills the room, the shattered glass putting a lingering ringing noise in my ears. Almost instantly Peeta turns his head in my direction, a shiver runs its way down my spine because of the look of pure bitter hatred in his eyes. I don't know what he sees in his episodes, are things distorted and warped, are they different colors, or is everything the same as in reality? These are some questions that probably will never be answered.

" You " he spits out at me the word drenched in venom " You killed my family...just because you weren't the only one to win the games!"

As I look into his eyes I can no longer see the beautiful ocean that laps at his pupils, I see a cloudy blue acid that leaves a ring around the black orbs of pain and hatred. It feels as though they're boring themselves into my soul.

" Peeta, it's not real, whatever it is you're thinking isn't real," I state as calmly as I possibly can because I've begun to shake with fear.

" You stabbed my brothers, Real or Not Real?" He asks still as furious as ever.

" Not Real," I say lifting my head up noticing that he is getting progressively closer to me.

" You're lying to me right now, Real or Not Real?" he questions me with his head cocked to the side.

" Not Real," I repeat attempting to keep my voice steady.

" Nooo!" Peeta shouts loudly as his strong hands place themselves on my neck. Suddenly I am frozen with fear, it reminds me of when we climbed onto the hovercraft ladder after our first games. I stand there immobile as his grip slowly gets tighter, his eyes staring me down as he waits to drain the life from my seam eyes.

" I love you," I choke out, blinking my eyes to rid them of the black blotches in my vision. Then all of a sudden everything goes black and I feel like I'm floating.


	3. Tornado of Turmoil

**A/N: This is my longest chapter yet. Theres definitely more chapters longer than this one though. Anyway HG came out in DVD today! YAY! I watched it again it it was simply amazing. Please review and keep reading! Thank you!**

I wake up in a white oblivion. A brightness stings my eyes, keeping them closed. But when I open my eyes again there's something I don't expect to see. Prim. She's standing there beaming at me in a flowing white dress that falls at her ankles. Her beautiful blonde hair is in braids hanging over her shoulders.

"I missed you," she says sweetly.

"I missed you too Little Duck," I smile back at her. I reach out to embrace her and hold her in my arms. She smells sweet like primrose, there's no scars on her from the flames or singed off parts of her hair.

" You're going back now okay...know that I love you and that I'm watching over you," she pulls away and calmly tells me in a way only she could.

"Wait what Prim what's happening," I exclaim, my body is starting to fade away.

" Goodbye Katniss, I love you," Prim waves at me smiling.

" I love you too Prim," I wave back tears rolling down my cheeks. That's when she disappeared out of my life again.

I wake up again but this time I'm choking and my neck hurts. As I open my eyes I feel like my heart was ripped in two. Peeta is standing in the kitchen a few feet away a large knife in his hand and it's inching it way towards his throat. He is sobbing, his body shaking making his grip on the knife even tighter.

" I'm a monster," he chokes out. Suddenly with all my strength I force myself off the ground trying to reach Peeta. The knife is slowly pressing itself against his skin, little drops of blood splattering against the floor.

"NOOO!" I scream as loud as possible. He drops the knife on the ground and turns toward me pain and relief showing in his now crystal blue eyes.

" I...I...I," he starts before I fling my arms around him for dear life. I start to sob uncontrollably as does he. He carries me over to the couch and we sit there and cry with each other. It seems like hours before someone slams through our door for the first time in months.

" Hey what the hell is going on in here?" Haymitch slurs a bottle of liquor in his hand. So I try to calm down and explain to him that Peeta had an episode and tried to kill me. Then I woke up and he was attempting to slit his own throat. Haymitch tells us that he heard screams and glass breaking and thought someone was dead.

" I ALMOST KILLED HER!" Peeta jumps up pointing in my direction. I was about to say something when Haymitch suddenly grabs Peeta and pulls him into a hug. Intern Peeta begins to sob into his shoulder. I have to take a double-take at this situation. Haymitch was being affectionate? Since when, what was in that liquor bottle? Just when my world seemed to be crashing down I think back to Prim. How she told me that she was watching over me and that she missed me.

" It's okay now," I get up and join Haymitch and Peeta's hug. As I do this Haymitch let's go and turns Peeta towards me.

" Okay, you try and take care of him now sweetheart," he stutters walking back out our door even though it seemed he'd only been in our house for a matter of seconds. Everything was happening too fast.

" Peeta listen to me I'm okay," I say calmly but truth was I wasn't, I had little black dots in my line of vision and my neck hurts so much. But I would say anything to get Peeta to stop crying.

" Come on let's get you cleaned up," I sigh motioning him towards the bathroom. He obeys me, shakily taking his steps towards the bathroom door. When we get into the bathroom I get some hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls, since he wasn't cut too bad. At least he wasn't bleeding anymore.

" I can't explain to you how scared I was when you held that knife to your throat," I whisper with my head down as I put away the supplies I took out.

" Well then you should know how incredibly horrible I felt because I thought you were dead," Peeta snaps back at me.

" To tell you the truth I think I was, because I saw Prim and-"

" You saw Prim?" Peeta interrupts me.

" Yea, she told me that she misses me," I reply still keeping my head down ashamed to look at Peeta. I sigh and he turns me around and holds my face in his hands.

" I really couldn't think up a place where I didn't have you in my life anymore," Peeta starts but I cut him off by pressing my lips against his. I'm not surprised when he kisses me back. A little while later we stop for air and he looks me in the eyes drinking in the moment.

" I love you," He says and catching myself off guard I say it back. Right there I realize something. I love Peeta Mellark. But I have for a long time, everyone else knew before me though. Prim knew it, Finnick knew it, my mother knew it, Cinna knew it and even Gale knew it. Before I know it I fall onto the bed still kissing Peeta. I start to feel what I felt in the Quell on the beach again. I slightly giggle thinking that we went from near death experiences and melt downs to this.

" Are you sure?" Peeta asks me, I nod in return. So many things are running through my mind at that moment. All the horrific things that have gone wrong in my life. But also a few great things as well. One of them being Peeta. I have no idea where my life would be if he died in the arena. There probably would still be annual Hunger Games. Even though Plutarch once said that the rebellion was years in planning. Another great thing is well I...I don't really have one. Peeta is actually the only good thing in my life right now. In fact the only good thing in my life in a long time.

**A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter seemed kinda rushed. I tried not to but it's how I write sometimes. Pleasereview it means a lot! Thanks abunch!**


	4. A Day in the Meadow

**A/N: This chapter kinda calms everything down. I hope you like it :) Again please review it means a lot. Thank you and enjoy.**

Like I said all that was a couple of days ago. My neck is better and so is Peeta's. He seems a little more distant from me after that night. I'm not sure exactly why, either it was the episode or what happened after. As I think it over in my head it was probably the episode because he most likely still feels ashamed for hurting me.

Right now I'm sitting in the meadow tying knots with the stray pieces of grass. I can see small patches of dandelions in the corner of my eye. Just the small thought makes me smile, not quite ear to ear but enough so you could tell I was smiling. Not much has gone on lately I usually just sit at home and wait until Peeta comes home and then curl up with him and watch television. Today I was tired of doing nothing so I decided to go into the meadow. A place I haven't visited very much lately.

As I sit here in the meadow I can't help but think that Madge is somewhere underneath where I'm sitting. Along with so many, many, many others because of my rebellious actions. Suddenly I scream and hit ground, pounding it with my fists. Silent tears stream down my face as old emotions bubble up inside of me. Dread. Guilt. Pent up anger. Longing. Mostly longing for those innocent people to not be laying side by side for eternity. Their spirits roaming through the meadow as I sit here and feel sorrow and grief for all the damage I've done. But if I hadn't done everything I have, things would be a lot different. By now my throat is a little hoarse from shouting and my eyes are puffy from all the crying. Actually I haven't cried for a couple days, which is a long time for me.

After sitting in the meadow a little longer the sun starts to fall past the horizon. A mesmerizing array of colors fill the sky. In some spots there is light pink with purple surrounding it and in others a soft orange glow lingers among the few clouds. This is definitely one of those precious sunsets that you treasure witnessing. It reminds me of the many sunsets Peeta and I watched from the rooftop of trains and the training center. In fact I know he would love this one in particular because this specific orange is his favorite color.

As the sunset begins to fade away I get up and wipe the remnants of tears of my face. When I crawl under the fence I see someone I particularly wouldn't expect to see around. Rory.

" Hi Rory," I waved shyly at him.

" Katniss, how have you been?" He asks casually like we talk every day.

" Fine, how are you?" I say trying to keep the conversation from getting too awkward.

" Better. We haven't seen you in a long time, I know that Posy and everybody else misses you," he smiles at me. By everybody else I feel like he is implying Gale as well.

" Well I'll have to stop by sometime soon, it was good to see you Rory," I sincerely reply because I should go visit the Hawthornes soon.

I could tell how much Rory had grown up. He had stubble growing on his chin, he was taller and more muscular than he was in Thirteen. But he definitely looked like Gale wpith the Seam grey eyes, black hair and olive skin. Sometimes I miss Gale, hunting, joking around, mostly just being near him because he was my best friend. The one person I could be myself with. Even now I long for that kind of friendship again knowing that I probably won't get it ever again.

Without realizing it I had already walked into the Victors Village and up to our house. As I swing the door open I see Peeta pacing around with his hands balled up into fists and I'm scared that he might be having another episode so I nearly have a heart attack when he looks up at me and shouts my naPep" Katniss!" Peeta shouts at me. Scared, I scurry out the door and begin to run back to the meadow.

" Please Katniss," He pleads so pained that I stop dead in my tracks. But now I feel guilty for abandoning Peeta because usually I try to help him through an episode. Stupid, stupid girl I think to myself. Slowly I turn around and face Peeta who has tears welled up in his eyes staring at me with such a pained expression displayed. Unable to stand the distance between us I run into Peeta's strong arms. For the second time today I'm crying but at least this time I have Peeta with me. When I look I see that he's crying as well. With a smile on my face I use my thumb and wipe the tears from his face. He starts to smile back and I then I laugh because I have no idea why I am smiling.

" Now tell me where you were today please," Peeta says genuine concern now showing in his face. It's at this time I remember that I never told Peeta I was going to the meadow. In fact I didn't even plan on being out for long, but knowing me nothing happened the way it was supposed to. Feeling extremely guilty for giving Peeta such a fright I explain to him that I ate breakfast and then spent the whole day sitting in the meadow. He cocks his head to the side and raises his eyebrows.

" What is it?" I ask, seriously offended by the expression reflected on his face.

" It's nothing, just that I spent all day looking for you and that was the last place I thought you would be so I didn't go and check there," He explains to me exhaling a half laugh half sigh. I giggle for the first time in months. I look up at Peeta smiling, as I lean in to kiss him I say I love you. I usually don't say that but I truly and whole heartedly love Peeta Mellark.


	5. Visit from a few old friends

**A/N: This is the longest chapter so far. Its all about one of Katniss' new nightmares. Please review I dont get alot but i know at least 200 hundred people read each chapter. Anyway read and review thanks :) **

I wake up in Peetas arms. I can tell he's awake because he's softly stroking my head gently placing a kiss on my forehead every once in a while. Usually I would turn around so he would let go, but today I didn't want him to. Casually I pretend to sleep in, pretending I didn't have a nightmare even though I have no doubt Peeta knows I did.

For once my nightmare wasn't a repeat. Sometimes they're of Prim or Gale or the arenas or the oldest of all watching my father explode to bits while I scream at him to run. Each time I know he won't run though, he never makes it because in reality none of us ever make it out unscathed. Don't get me wrong I hate having nightmares as much as the next person, probably even more. But this one was different, extremely different. Anyway this is how it all went down in the dreadful place I call my nightmares.

I sit in a dark room and I'm bound to a metal pole, metal chains wrapped around my feet and my hands at my sides. Then the lights slightly brighten up a bit, just so I can make out as to who stands before me. Finnick. He stands in front of me a dagger drawn in his hand. Unlike what I expected to see which was a vicious look of hate in his eyes, it was complete and utter sorrow. It almost seemed as though he didn't want me to die. When Finnick pulls the dagger back some of the muscles on his arm ripple and I notice something is written on the blade. The letter I. That's when he takes the dagger and shoves it into my heart. I look down at my white attire and realize that no damage had been done. But my heart feels tight and as if it's made of water and is slowly turning to ice.

Suddenly the room gets a little brighter and Finnick isn't with me anymore. But Rue is. With her wispy curls and slight frame she stares into my eyes. Just like Finnick her eyes soften and they fill with sorrow and guilt. Also like Finnick she has a shiny dagger in her hand. But instead of I, the letter A is imprinted on the blade of the fine dagger. Suddenly Rue draws her hand back and plunges the dagger into my heart. That's twice so far and I seem to have conflicting opinions on this nightmare in particular. Most of my nightmares contain the same emotions. Sadness, rage, guilt, pain are usually the major four feelings. But now I feel different. Almost like I want to keep getting stabbed with daggers just so I could see my passed companions, even if it's seconds at a time.

Next is Madge. She wears her blonde hair down and is wearing the dress I saw her in before the reaping with Gale. The brown material reaches her knees and imitates the color of autumn leaves that lay on the forest floor. Again the letter on the dagger has changed. Madge's dagger has the letter M imprinted on the blade. Without a moments notice I stare into her eyes filled with unsuspected grief and a hint of a tear lingering in the corner of her eye.

"Goodbye," I whisper my voice strained barely making its way past my lips. She raises the hilt of the dagger and shoves it into my heart. Just like with Rue and Finnick my heart hardens again slowly freezing itself from the outside in.

Surprisingly next is Gale, I tear my head away from his presence not wanting to look at him. I slightly raise my eyes just long enough to see the blade bearing the letter S. Quickly his eyes find mine this time filled with emotions I can't name. Maybe its anger, sadness or even longing but whatever it is I can't give it a name. Suddenly I ask myself why Gale is here in the first place, he isn't dead. Then I realize that these are people gone -or should I say taken- from my life one way or another.

" Catnip," he says seemingly on the verge of tears as he thrust the blade into my heart. Then the room gets brighter and Gale has vanished like the others. Instead of feeling pain after getting stabbed in the heart, my heart seems to build up more layers of armor.

This time when I look up I see Cinna. He looks just as he did the first day I met him. The gold of his eyeliner reflecting against the increasing brightness in the white walled room. Something surprising though is the look in Cinna's eyes. Unlike the others he has no expression. His face is as readable as a smooth block of marble.

" I'm still betting on you, Girl on Fire," Cinna says reassuringly, almost as if he senses that I am disappointed with his lack of emotion. On it's way to my heart I see the bold letter O imprinted on Cinna's dagger. It's like a cycle- the dagger collides with my chest puncturing the area above my heart, then my heart hardens deeper into the core with each person that wields a dagger.

The next visitor is my father. I haven't even seen a photo of him for the longest time because the one I did have burned in the bombing. He looks at me with no grief or sorrow only pride and admiration. Then I hear it. It's the voice that silences the mockingjays, brings quiet to the woods, my fathers voice. He sings me the chorus to Rue's lullaby.

" Here it's safe, Here it's warm, Here the daises guard from every harm. Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true, Here is the place where I love you." By the end the time he stops singing I am crying, my eyes stinging with tears that pour out of my eyes. Finally when he raises the dagger I look into his gray Seam eyes and they are as sorrowful as mine are. R is the letter I see on my fathers dagger as he pushes it into my heart and I can feel my heart freezing from the outside in turning cold like Snow.

Then the room gets brighter and I have to close my my eyes to keep out the light. As I slowly open my eyelids my eyes fixate on the silhouette of my mother. I blink my eyes multiple times and she comes into full view. She doesn't say anything to me she just stares at me with the same eyes she did right after my father died. Blank. Lost to the world. A cloudy blue like Peeta's sometimes get during short flashbacks. Just as my fathers did her dagger shows the letter R. Without a moments notice she pulls back the weapon and pushes it into my heart. The cycle continues and my heart continues to get heavy and solid inching its way to the core.

Suddenly the room gets extremely brighter than last time. In fact it's so bright that it takes me a minute to let my pupils adjust to the white light emanating from an unknown source. This is someone that I expected to see. Prim.

She stands before me with her hair in two braids each one flopping over her shoulder. She's wearing her reaping day outfit, and I just know that the back of the blouse is sticking out in her special little duck tail.

" Fix your tail little duck," I say easier than the first time I talked but still strained. She reaches behind to tuck in her shirt and I catch a glimpse of a Y fixated in the middle of the blade.

"Quack Quack," She smiles at me shoving the dagger into my heart trying to catch me off guard. This time I feel a pain radiate through my chest. The last dagger has froze my heart to the core. It feels as though my heart is a thick block of glass. Then my mind starts to piece together the letters. In order, they spell out I AM SORRY. But what are they all sorry for? That's when the light strikes again and I drop to the ground off the pole with a thud. I rub my eyes to adjust to the sudden extreme brightness around me, when I open my eyes it's him. Peeta is standing in front of me, his are sorrowful and filled with guilt. Guilt of what though?

" I am sorry," he says choking on the words, I can tell he is on the verge of a breakdown. Suddenly he raises the dagger out towards me and I realize there are no letters on his dagger. But instead of stabbing me like I thought he would he brings the dagger back plunging it into his own heart.

"NOOOO! PEETA!" I scream as he pulls the dagger out blood spilling out of his mouth and then dagger clatters to the ground followed by Peeta. Then it happens.

My heart shatters.

Not just a brake, it shatters spilling cold, hard, tiny bits of glass in every part of my chest. I drop to my knees sobbing. The sobs racking my body as I crawl next to Peeta. His dark red blood spilling into a misshaped pool all around him. The blood soaking into my white pants causing them to turn a light red color as I continue to sob next to Peeta clutching his hands begging for him to come back to me.

" No, no, no," I choke out repeating it until my voice is gone. I place my head on his chest, not caring that it's covered in blood. I take his lifeless arms and slowly wrap them around me.

" Stay with me," I whisper choking out the words. In response to my own question I slowly take his finger and trace the word "Always" in the blood next to me. I continue to sob into his chest waiting for the heartbeat that never comes.

That's when I woke up. I'm pretty sure I was screaming and crying by the way Peeta is holding me. Thinking about it again brings me to tears, so I open my eyes and wrap my arms around Peeta's neck and sob like I did in my nightmare.

"Shh it's okay Katniss," Peeta whispers into my ear trying to calm me down.

"But it's...not," I respond " It'll never be okay."


	6. A trip around the district

**A/N: Sorry its late i had a wedding this weekend. Anyway this is more of a filler chapter not much goes on but itll genteresting soon ;) Please continue to review, i got such a nice review from a guest named Stacey. I want to try to get 10 reviews byt the 8th chapter. So please read review and enjoy.**

t's later in the day after I had one of my worst nightmares yet. Peeta managed to calm me down and I feel a lot better now. I hadn't planned on doing much today, maybe I'll visit Haymitch. It's not like I've seen him since Peeta's massive episode so maybe a visit will do some good. I smell something from downstairs so I rush down the staircase, jumping over the last three. As I stroll into the kitchen my eyes meet a bunch of warm cheese buns piled up on plate.

"Mmmm," I say speaking for my stomach. I pull out a chair and slowly devour each delicious one, savoring each bite. When I hop off the chair I lick my lips coated with the lingering taste of cheese buns. I throw on a pair of stretchy pants and my hunting boots for the long trek to my dear neighbor Haymitch's house. As I step outside I am greeted by a warm gust of wind that knocks the braid off my shoulder. One short jog later I make it to Haymitch's front door. First I knock not aware of what is on the other side of the large wooden door. Growing impatient I open the door and grimace from the stench of vomit and liquor I am welcomed by.

"Haymitch!" I shout. Suddenly a groan comes from the kitchen. I make my way to the kitchen dodging empty liquor bottles and suspicious stains on the carpet. As I stand in the kitchen I take in the sight of a half asleep Haymitch sleeping nonchalantly against the table. From the dingy light that hangs from the ceiling I can see piece of blade from the knife he sleeps with tucked underneath his arm.

" What do u want sweetheart I'm busy," Haymitch grumbles.

" I wanted to talk to you," I say with less confidence than I walked through the door with. I think he laughs but he takes a swig of liquor at the same time so you never know.

" Oh really, I thought you were here to pay me a friendly visit," Haymitch snipes at me.

" Fine then I'll just leave you alone," I snap back at him, the atmosphere turning my attitude bitter again.

"Aw come on sweetheart," Haymitch sighs exasperated already by having to deal with me for more than five minutes.

"Nevermind, I don't want to talk anymore," I snap again not wanting to deal with a cranky drunk Haymitch today. It's bad enough he soiled my first good mood in days. But maybe if I stop by the bakery later Peeta will give me more cheese buns. I wave my hand goodbye as I step out of Haymitch's sickening abode, breathing in a lungs full of fresh air. As I'm walking out of the victors village toward the bakery I see the spot I met Rory the other day. So I decide to take a detour.

By now I've made my down into the seam where some of it is still being rebuilt from the bombings only four years ago. Only four years ago I lost Prim. Only four years after I lost my best friend. Only four years ago I thought I lost Peeta forever. As my mind is preoccupied I bump into someone kneading on the ground next to a fence.

" Oh I'm sorry," I curtly say with Effie in mind. But that's when the person turns around and squeals hugging me almost knocking me over.

"Katniss!" the person squeaks and then I look up and realize that I'm at Gale's old house and the young girl clinging to my body is Posy Hawthorne.

"Posy, I missed you!" I tell her squeezing her back. Posy giggles and orders me inside the house pulling me along by my wrist.

When she drags me in the house I see Rory and Vick sitting at their table playing a game of cards. As I close the door they both look up at me with faces full of glee.

"Hey Katniss," they both call out but only Vick gets up to give me a hug. I'm getting a lot of those today. Usually interaction like this does go to far with me, but how can I not give them a hug I haven't seen them for years. Vick looks like a miniature version of Rory and Rory a younger version of Gale.

"Where's your mom?" I ask the kids as I look around their small home. Even after the bombing it still looks the same.

"She's out on a laundry run," Posy says. Posy has grown so much since the last time I saw her in district 13. She must be at least 8 by now.

" I'll have to stop by again and maybe I'll see her then," I sigh as I wave my hand and close the door.

"Bye Katniss," they all call out to me while I step outside. I make my way out of the seam and over to the bakery. When I open the door no one is behind the counter yet, then the bell attached to the door jingles and Peeta makes his way to the front.

"How may I- oh Katniss what are you doing here?" Peeta asks clearly confused as to why I chose to stop by today.

"I wanted to see if I could get some more cheese buns," I say with a hint of a smile that Peeta catches and smiles back at.

"Lucky you I just made a new batch a couple minutes ago," Peeta laughs. I walk around the counter to the ovens where steaming hot cheese buns are cooling off a tray. Peeta catches me staring and laughs again.

" I'm guessing that you're hungry than," Peeta asks cautiously as I stalk toward the tray and pick one up.

"How can you tell?" I joke. Peeta laughs again, it's good to hear it after so long. I take a cheese bun and bite into it, it's a little hot so I have to wait a minute before I finish the rest.

"You know it's almost closing time anyway, I can just close up now and you can bring the cheese buns with you," Peeta smirks at me as I lick my fingers free of crumbs.

"Sounds pretty good to me," I say taking a paper bag from behind the counter and placing the cheese buns in one after the other.

That night Peeta and I sat at home and ate cheese buns as he attempted to teach me to play chess. I failed miserably at the beginning but got a little bit better as the night went on. As I crawled into bed next to him I thought to myself that I was finally happy and the odds might actually be in my favor for once.


	7. Sorry for not posting

**Authors note: I am so so so so so so so sorry I haven't posted. I've been extremely busy with school and I have a major case of writers block. Don't worry I am going to keep writing though (for those who care) I promise that chapter 7 WILL BE UP NEXT SATURDAY! I also know i said that something interesting happens in chapter 8. Leave a review guessing what you think it is. (Just a suggestion most people won't) Please don't stop reading I will post a new chapter next Saturday.**

**thank you to those people who actually read this whole thing I know I wouldn't :P **

**thank you sooo much, everlastingeverlark**


	8. My day with Peeta

**A/N: Again so sorry about the not posting. I've been busy lately and frankly lazy. But I finished this one! Someone asked me to be more romantic so I tried but Im not a very romantic person. Anyway please keep reading and review with someone of your opinions :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or the fantastic characters that have taken over my life.**

I wake up in Peeta's arms, the light streams through the curtain and leaves a pattern on the floor. For once in way too long I didn't have a nightmare. Peeta's arms act as a shield from my mental tormentors.

"Morning beautiful," he softly whispers in my ear sending goosebumps down my arms. A smile spreads across my face knowing he is awake too. I tugged Peetas arms closer around me as I said sleepily "I didn't have a nightmares," with a stupid smile plastered on my face.

"That's great," Peeta comments without a drop of sarcasm in his voice.

" What about you?" I cautiously inquire.

"Not really, well nothing out of the ordinary anyway," Peeta sighs softly stroking the tip of my unkempt braid. I really should start to take out my hair before I go to bed.

" Do you think that we could make some cheese buns today?" I ask with my sweetest voice even though I already know the answer.

"Of course," Peeta says with a smile lighting up his face. He loves when I ask to bake with him. It's not like I know how to bake by myself for that matter though. Then all of a sudden I got extremely nauseous.

"Woah," I say getting out of bed and making my way to the bathroom. I made it just in time too because as I got in there I was heaving into the toilet. Peeta was right behind me pulling my hair away from my face. After a while there was nothing left but a couple of dry heaves.

"Feel a little better?" Peeta asks as he helps me up off of the cold linoleum tile of our bathroom. Truth is I have no idea. But I can't tell Peeta that. It'll just make him worry and I don't want to bother him with things like this.

"Yea, must be from those pills Dr. A sent me," I say with a joking smile. But again I don't take those pills. I don't trust anything that is from the Capitol, so I refuse to use them even if they are 'beneficial' to my health. What Peeta doesn't know can't hurt him.

" If you say so," Peeta says obviously still suspicious of my sudden symptoms. I know he is just concerned of my well being but I'm 21 years old now and I can pretty much take care of myself. Kind of.

"Yea I'm just gonna take a shower, then we can go make some cheese buns 'cause I'm hungry," I say with a hint of a smile.

"Sure I'll run to my house and get some stuff," He says turning around but catches my elbow at the last second and pulls me in for a kiss. I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart surges with joy. This must be love, what my mother felt with my father. What Finnick felt with Annie. What I feel right now as I stand in the bathroom doorway with Peeta. He pulls away and sticks his tongue out saying " I'll see you later."

A second after I close the door I lean against it and cover my face with my hands. I'm just now remembering that I threw up a minute ago. But still Peeta didn't care, that or he forgot. Either way I think it's sweet that he didn't say anything. Which brings me back to before the Quell with Haymitch being told that I could live 1,000 lives and still won't deserve him. It was true then and is true now.

A couple hours later Peeta and I are standing in the kitchen waiting for the cheese buns to bake. I'm leaning against the countertop yes kissing Peeta. Why not right. I'd been oddly affectionate lately though. Instead of my usual scowl and my emotions tucked away under lock and key. The timer goes off and I pull away maneuvering around Peeta to get to the oven. We can't have burnt cheese buns now can we?

"I'll get them," I tell Peeta but as I take another step forward I get nauseous and a sprint to the bathroom down the hall.

"Guess not," I hear Peeta chuckle as he quickly takes them out and follows me down the hall. I attempt to swing my unwinding braid behind my back as I hunch over the toilet for the second time today. Also for the second time today Peeta is kneeling next to me holding my hair and rubbing my back in small circles. I stayed there puking my insides out for another minute or two.

"Nasty," I croak as I grab my toothbrush from the cabinet and get rid of the funk I'm sure is wafting from my mouth. We walk back into the kitchen and begin to devour the warm cheese buns fresh out of the oven. As I take a bite into the second delicious one I begin to come to a panicking realization. Why I've been throwing up. Why I've been so emotional lately. Why I've been having cravings.

_I am pregnant._


End file.
